How´s it gonna be...?

So, I´m here again.
As I smoke my cigarrete, I think of us, and what we´re not. The things I´d like to be.
I live my life based on the dream of you. The lust for you. I wish we both could be free of the strings that tie us to different lives, y´know... Just for a few moments.
When I see my reflection in the mirror, I see Amanda, a girl whose life is almost perfect. But she still needs one thing.

Do you realize that we may never discover how it would be? And I have to think about it every single day.
I miss the way you say my name. I miss the way you used to say "oh, so chic" when I was dressed for work.
I know I´m not what you find very attractive. I´m a bit of a tomboy, I have my tattoos and piercings, I´m rude sometimes... And I know you like "girly girls". And I can imagine that your family wouldn´t react so well when they saw me. And that´s just what I want. Let me, for once, be the one that your family won´t like, but the one that´ll make you happy, who will brighten up your day, who´ll turn each date into an adventure. The one with whom you´ll have the best sex of your life, because it´ll taste forbidden.
There´s still time. Not for long, I feel it, but there´s still time. I know you´re not happy. I see it in your eyes, the same way that I see the sparkles when you look at me.
C´mon, take my hand...